2003-08-05 - 11:13 a.m.
Tiggi,
I got my new baby and she is working well. Dose anyone know why we carry emotional baggage to our next relationship? I have been with my husband for 9 years. I was in a previous relationship before that and is hereby known as Loser. Loser use to abuse me in more ways than one. So when I found my Husband (really good husband) I was suffering from old ghosts from the past. My husband paid the piper for what Loser had done to me. I made him pay even though I knew he wouldn�t be the same as Loser. So why do we do that? Believe me this is more common then what we think for both men and women. We are so preoccupied with the past that we don�t see what good lies in our future. I was lucky my husband saw enough in me not to give me the boot. I found myself finishing the fight with my husband then with the Loser. One thing I have retained is that I deserve my self respect and self worth. I am just as important as any man in my life. Something I didn�t really know in my time with Loser. But what really pushes us to the end? What pushes us to constantly test the other person in the new relationship? Some of the information I have gathered is mainly to see if the next person in our relationship will make the same mistakes. We get so involved with the hurt from the previous relationship that we sit and wait like black widows waiting for the victim to falter and weaken so we can take them down. Pretty sick huh, but very much humanistic. We have to look beyond what has happened in the past and be willing to take a chance on the future. I am glad I did. I am a very happily married woman to a great man that spoils and cherishes me. But don�t get me wrong it didn�t come without me fixing something�s with myself first. I had to be willing to step outside myself and treat this as a new relationship. Believe me it took me a while and some therapy but basically I had lost everything about me in my relationship with Loser that I forgot who I really was. So I stepped outside and took a good long look in. I was very young when I was in my first relationship with Loser. He was 6 years older than I was. He completely took advantage of the situation, but I did give him permission. Even though he caused me emotional and physical pain, I realize that I inevitable was part responsible. I always had the choice to leave and eventually I did. I have had no real guidance in my life. My parents suck and well leave that for another entry. I had to learn things the hard way, mainly by experience. So I never really knew that I had a choice to leave. all the circumstances were against me. Yong, alone and now pregnant. It is hard to make that first step and I can see why more women don�t take the chance when they can. It is very scary. Many of us stay in bad relationships because the unforeseen is too great a risk to do something new. I am sure we all know at least one person who should leave the relationship they are in not just because of abuse but because they just are getting what everyone deserves. Sometimes the though of being alone is too great to end a bad relationship. My mother is in one of those the man she is with is not my father but he had cheated on her and is a child molester to boot and do you why she won�t leave him. BECAUSE SHE IS AFRAID TO SLEEP ALONE! That is truly the sickliest disgusting excuse I have ever heard in my life. Many that know me say I have big balls for being a woman. Now that I know myself a little better I would say it is true. But it took a lot of work and time to get them. Some find my attitude crass and little to be desired for. I don�t treat people badly. Most of my friends would say that I treat them as best as I can. I try to give what I can to people who need and I don�t always mean money because I am not a millionaire. I mean I offer support and life learning experiences. My friend�s ages range from 80 years old to 10 years old. I can play on many different levels. I know I am starting to run off now on different subjects and if there is anything I want to get out there is that we are all deserving of love, happiness and a good relationship. We need to expect more from ourselves and most of all learn how to love others, lean how to live in the future and not in or with the ghosts of the past. Get up, Get out and take no prisoners. And those of you that are still looking for love or that special someone don�t get so caught up in the fact that you want nothing more to find love or that special someone that you start closing your eyes to the warning signs. Don�t get so caught up that even though you can smell the shit a mile away you start to plug your nose. For some relationships that means suspicion of another women or how about just being sucked for money and or nothing in return. We all can do this and your best line of defense is when you smell shit say SOMETHING RELLY STINKS. The more questions you are willing to ask and find out and verify they better chance you are going to have to sift through the Loser�s and get to someone worthy. I know I kissed a lot of smelly shitty forgs before I found my prince. Don�t invest in Loser�s even just for a little while they aren�t worth it. And remember the signs are there we just have to choose to listen to them.
Asta
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